Cedar and Lilac

My eyes are closed. I breathe deeply, allowing the cool air to fill my lungs. The sweet smell of lilac fills my senses, enveloping me in the strong floral scent that permeates my memories as a child. It’s so serene. I look down at the bare feet peeking out from under the hem of a cream linen summer dress, swimming in an ocean of autumn leaves. They are much smaller than I last remember them to be, like they are from the same time as the lilacs. Bright oak leaves scatter the ground in the most heartwarming shades of yellow and red. They seem to go on forever as if the whole world is blanketed in their beauty. As I look around to get a sense of my surroundings, I find that I am deep in a forest of ancient trees, who’s mossy branches wind and twist up from the sea of leaves like tentacles. There’s no lilac bushes from what I can see. The canopy of leaves on the old trees mimic those on the forest floor. There is a soft breeze dancing through them, pushing against the branches of leaves like a house cat pushing through legs at the dinner table. A breeze pushes a path through the leaves revealing a clearing through the trees behind me. They seem to have arranged themselves in a way that beacons me like an overgrown, wood shaded path. I start down the tunnel of branches answering the call. 

As I meander along the soft forest floor the sweet smell of decay wafts up at me as each step I take disturbs the damp lawyer of leaves, mixing with the lingering scent of lilacs. The breeze shifts carrying some of the smell with it, but leaving enough to satiate the calm that the floral, earthiness lays over my mind, putting me at ease. I put my hands in the pockets of my dress that is loosely draped over my body, brushing against my bare legs as it dances with the breeze. I’m in no hurry to make it to the bright clearing at the edge of the trees. I’m merely out for a stroll. The last of the leaves on the branches above me sing in the gusts of air as the branches creak and sway in harmony with them. The whole forest is alive. This is what it wants from me. This is why I am here, to witness the peace and be here with it from within.

The sun is shining brightly overhead as it peeks through the rustling canopy casting dancing shadows over the ground around me giving the illusion of rippling waves in the sea of orange. I stop walking to watch the hypnotizing performance, the light and leaves dancing to the symphony above. I could stay and watch forever.

A gust of wind drifts by pushing my loose dark waves over my shoulder, back toward the clearing, like the forest is giving me a gentle nudge to remind me of its request. As I continue to wander down the path, my head is still turned watching the sun cheerfully dance across the leaves, I hear what I immediately recognize as the laughter of children. Other children like me. I’m back to who I was years ago when I was still young and naive. That’s who’s eyes I must be seeing through with child-like wonder and love that I’d forgotten I once had.

The sound of laughter steals my attention growing louder as I pick up my pace a bit toward the clearing. I’d like to know who’s laughing, what they’re doing, and if I can join in on the fun they must be having. As I near the clearing, where I can now see the edge of my forest of ancient, magnificent oaks, I find a young boy sitting on a worn out picnic bench, too old and soft to inflict the pain of a stray splinter. He is leaning back on the table looking up at the sky with his legs dangling from the edge, far too short to reach the moss covered ground beneath them. His face holds a warm familiarity of someone I knew when I was young whom I remember missing so dearly. His hair is gelled back, and he is wearing clothes that don’t fit his age, suggesting a level of wisdom far beyond his physical years.

Stepping out of the wooded blanket of leaves I shift my gaze up to find the clouds the boy is watching, ambling through the otherwise clear blue sky with about the same sense of urgency I’d had walking through the trees. I look back down, surveying my new surroundings. It seems that I’ve found myself atop a meadowed hill at the edge of my forest looking out over a view that could only have come from a work of art. The meadow coasts over rolling hills as far off as I’m able to see with the old, romantic, red forest wrapping around its edges until it disappears from view. Off in the distance there is a dark blue silhouette of a towering, jagged, and terrifyingly beautiful mountain range. As I am taking in the whole view it is almost too much to bear. My eyes begin to well as if to shield some of the shock of the surrounding beauty and a breath catches in my throat. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I’ve never felt so at home.

Blinking away the misty tears, I look over at the boy who is now sitting up on the table with a welcoming smile. He waves at me to come over as I run toward him at a slow, but excited pace. He jumps down from the table and catches me in a hug that I didn’t know I needed so sorely until now.

“Where are we?” I ask after a while, not yet pulling away from the embrace. He smells faintly of cedar and warm woody tones mixed with the clean scent of aftershave and soap. It’s a smell I’d never forgotten even decades after he was gone.

He lets me go and I take a step back as we look out over the scene in front of us. “Bliss,” he says with a soft smile sitting comfortably on his face. “But you can’t stay.”

I look over at him, confused. It’s the first uncomfortable feeling I’ve had since waking up. “Why not? I want to meet the others.”

“You already know them all. They’re waiting for you. We’ve been waiting a long time for you, but we can wait a little longer. It’s not time for you to stay yet.” He grabs my hand, squeezing it lovingly. 

“I don’t want to leave.”

“You never do.” He smiles at me. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you again soon and you can stay next time, I promise. We’ll catch up. I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to since I left.”

“So much. I have so much I want to tell you. So much I need to ask you.”
“All in time. I promise.” He let go of my hand as he and the world around us began to fade away, a bright light taking their place. “We’ll have all the time in the world. Soon. Very soon. But now you have to wake up.”